Laughter - the best medicine

The Scottish government are in the process of building a new bridge over the Forth at a projected cost of £1.6bn with money we do not actually have.

This is what happened when Bob Newhart called the Scottish Parliament from America.

  • I hear that you have started building a new bridge over the river Forth.  That’s an interesting idea, so tell me, how have you guys been getting across until now?  
  • There already is a bridge, ok so why……..?
  • The cables are breaking?  Oh dear that could be very dangerous. 
  • So how much will a bridge like this cost then?
  • One thousand six hundred million pounds – that is one heck of an amount surely?
  • They spent more on the London Olympics, well that must make it stack up I suppose.
  • Still it does sound like a good way of spending your money.
  • You don’t have any money, so how…..? Right you're gonna borrow the cash.
  • A bridge like this is bound to be a good earner right?   
  • No kidding – its going to be for free!
  • Still I suppose it will provide masses of local employment?
  • I see, well the Polish are a fine bunch of people, no doubt about it.
  • OK, I am getting it now it’s the steel, Scotland is famous for its steel
  • All the way from China – you don’t say, now that is amazing.  
  • Still you will get loads of cash for the old bridge as scrap I’ll bet?
  • You are keeping it, but I thought? …..Oh I see just for buses and wide loads.
  • Say if you don’t mind me asking how did you guys get into this job anyway?
  • No I can’t say that I do understand proportional representation or the single transferable vote system – but they sound like a real hoot.
  • As a matter of interest what have your bankers said about this idea?
  • You don’t need bankers – so where does the cash come from?
  • Jeez!  Now that is good, you just print it or write IOUs – who dreamt this one up?
  • You got the idea from the Eurozone?  That figures, those guys are wired to the moon.
  • No, of course I am not anti-Scottish, just expressing an opinion - is that a problem?
  • And the same to you fella. 

UPDATE: Not only is the new bridge behind schedule but the cable problem on the old Forth Road Bridge has now been resolved.  Oh well, seemed like a good idea at the time.  

It truly is A Bridge Too Far.